It s where my demons hide
by RadiantLullabyFromTwelve
Summary: Katniss Everdeen was numb. The happy moments were slowly fading as the nights full of demons took place. A lot of sadness, perfect bands and cuts. A new student gets introduced and goofy smiles are shared. Will Peeta Mellark make her feel.. alive again? Maybe some Smut in later chapters, not sure yet ;)
1. Chapter 1

**Author´s Note:**  
**Hey, dear readers. So.. I´ve had this idea for a long time now and I finally decided to just give it a try! I think I´ll probably mention bandnames, other books and movies. I don´t own any of them, unfortunately. Hehe.**  
**I do NOT own any of characters of Suzanne Collin´s The Hunger Games trilogy.**

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And there I sat again. On my bed, a piece of glass in my hand. Life has been going kinda okay lately, but I started to feel bad again. The thoughts were slowly killing me, but nobody knew. Nobody would care. Lost in my horrible thoughts, I put the sharp edge to my skin. Not my wrist this time, but my legs who have endured a lot of pain lately.

Before I knew it, the small cuts were already bleeding. You have to understand me, I don´t cut deep or often. I just.. cut. I drew a few small patterns on my skin with the blood, then hid the glass under my pillow again. After taking a quick shower, I went to bed and fell asleep quickly.

_So this is what you meant  
When you said that you were spent  
And now it's time to build from the bottom of the pit  
Right to the top  
Don't hold back  
Packing my bags and giving the academy a rain-check _

_I don't ever wanna let you down  
I don't ever wanna leave this town  
'Cause after all  
This city never sleeps at night_

_It's time to begin, isn't it?_  
_I get a little bit bigger but then I'll admit_  
_I'm just the same as I was_  
_Now don't you understand_  
_That I'm never changing who I am_

My favorite band woke me up, just like every morning, with a happy feeling. I sang the rest of the song with them, keeping my eyes closed for just a little longer. Whenever I got the chance of making happy moments last, I tried to grab it with both hands. Because that is what it´s all about, right? The so-called happy moments.

Soon, I was dressed and fixed. Well, not fixed as the I-was-broken-but-not-anymore-fixed, but the ready-for-school-fixed. Brushed my teeth, braided my hair.. that kind of stuff. I was wearing some jeans and a hoodie, as always. The hiding it did was just great, nobody ever had to see the scars. I shrugged it off and woke my little sister, Prim, up and got her ready for school. After we finished eating breakfast, we went to my truck and I brought her to school. The truck was amazing, to be honest. If you forget about the small things.. holes in the seats etc.

I went to school and parked my car far away from the 'popular' bitches and assholes their cars. Excuse my language, but that was the truth. Girls who exposed more skin than was covered and boys who touched the girls the whole time. Or thought about it while they played football, I guess. And a lot more, but lets not waste our valuable time on that. I ran to my locker, got my books and ran to next class. I was invisible most of the time, but the few times they would get me.. they would make sure I remembered they got me. But again, lets not waste our precious time on that.

I sat on a table in the back so I had a good view on the classroom and got my books out. The rest of the students came walking in a little later and the teacher had set his things ready. I sat up straight when I thought class would start.. but instead Mr. Abernathy, our English teacher, told us we had a new student on school. Oh great, another one to bully me and tear me down and break me and.. I swear my jaw dropped a little when he walked in. I held my breath as the low, sexy voice spoke up. Damn, what was happening? I almost bursted out in laughter about the fact my mouth was still open, so I quickly closed it and looked down. No eye contact. No eye contact. Oops, I looked up. The angelic blue eyes met mine and he flashed a half smile as he introduced himself. Peeta Mellark. Moved into town. Same age as me, 17.

After all the introducing and saying hello, Mr. Abernathy told him to sit down and he sat down a few seats away from me. During class, my eyes kept darting off to the handsome boy. Everytime I received the half smile (eventually half smirk) back, I looked away and smiled to myself.

Woah, I loved this class for once.

The bell rang and I packed my bags. The next few hours went well.. if you don´t count me falling asleep. It was embarrassing, I fell asleep in the middle of class while Mrs. Trinket was telling a story about bad, very very bad, behaviour. I couldn´t help it, I really couldn´t. I only slept a few hours the night before and the story.. don´t get me wrong. Mrs. Trinket can be a very nice woman, but her stories are the worst with her high pitched voice. A shriek every now and then woke me up usually, but this time it strangely didn´t.

I skipped the last few classes to pick Prim up from school. My mother and I made an agreement after I forced her to listen. In short.. my mother used to be a beautiful, amazing and caring mom.. but after my father died, she got depressed. She didn´t want to eat. She didn´t want to talk. She wanted nothing. I am still mad at her for letting Prim down. I don´t care if she lets me down, but Prim.. The one who sees beauty in everything. The one who makes me happy just by giving me a tight hug.

So.. the agreement was that I would bring Primrose to school everyday and pick her up three times in the week. My mom would pick her up two times and promised us to eat enough. It was not much, but it was all I could do.

The night was not really special. I made dinner. Prim and I ate dinner. Prim managed to feed mom a little.. I am so proud of Prim. I fell asleep that night with a mind full of one thing. No worries. No sadness. Not even songs or books.

It was Peeta Mellark.

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**So that was my first chapter, I hope you liked it! Please let me know what you think in the comments. Positive or negative thoughts? Just spill it out. **

**Okay? Okay.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author´s note**

**Thank you so much for the reviews, favorites and follows! I didn´t even think it would get some attention, so thank you thank you thank you. Hehe, here is the next chapter. **

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_Try to hear my voice_  
_You can leave, now it's your choice_

_Maybe if I fall asleep, I won't breathe right_  
_Maybe if I leave tonight, I won't come back_

_I said it before, I won't say it again_  
_Love is a game to you, it's not pretend_  
_Maybe if I fall asleep, I won't breathe right_

_Can nobody hear me?_  
_I got a lot that's on my mind_  
_I cannot breathe_  
_Can you hear it, too?_

And again, I woke up to my favorite band and sang softly with them as I got up. I wandered around the room at first, trying to find the reason why he was on my mind the whole time. Never, ever have I been like this, you know. It´s weird, but it gives me a tingly feeling. That´s just stupid, I reminded myself and laughed. ''Stop it.'' I muttered under my breath and got dressed. Maybe you remember or maybe you don´t, but I always wear jeans and something with long sleeves. The hiding, remember?

After my daily morning routine, what means getting Prim and me ready and bring Prim to school, I went to school. Because I was getting late, I ran as fast as I could without paying attention to others. As I ran around the corner, I bumped into someone. Stupid me. The student and me fell onto the ground and only then I realized it was _him_. Peeta Mellark. Well I can tell you, my face was heating up within seconds. Well.. fuck.

Instead of glaring at me, he broke into that cute goofy smile again. A smile formed on my lips too and we laughed softly. ''Sorry.'' I said quietly and he helped me up. ''It´s okay. Are you okay?'' He asked, at which I gave him a small nod. How stupid it sounds, I basically walked off without saying anything else. At first, I heard nothing so it was alright, but then I heard the footsteps. ''Wait. Wait. Uh.. do you have.. uh.. biology.. too?'' I smiled at his awkwardness and nodded. Next thing, we went to biology together and sat next to each other.

It scared me to have someone next to me. I always sat alone. In class. During lunch. Everywhere on school! Hoping he wouldn´t ask me anything, I listened to the teacher who was talking about girls and boys. Great subject in this situation, Mrs. Undersee. I placed my hands on my cheeks and closed my eyes, getting lost in my thoughts. It was a hard choice though. Listening to Mrs. Undersee talking about a.. uh.. lets say.. male part while you sit next to Peeta Mellark or getting lost in that dark mess what´s called my mind. I prefer the last one.

But when I felt Peeta turning to me, I got back to reality. ''Do you want to do the project together? Like.. project partners.. P-partners for the project, y-you know?'' He asked. Huh.. what project? Oops. And that wasn't even the thing I was most confused about, it was his question. Why would someone like him ask someone like me to be partners with? ''Yeah.. sure, Peeta.'' I replied after a short silence and I could see the smile appearing on his face as I said it. My mind drifted off to his stuttering and I laughed softly. ''Okay. Want to sit together during lunch? So.. we can talk and make a plan for this.. uh.. exciting.. project?'' He laughed a little and I nodded again. This was getting kinda funny.

A few classes later, the bell rang. Lunch break! I have to admit, it gave me a nervous and excited feeling at the same time. He probably wouldn´t even come, I reminded myself.. but the spark of hope was getting to me and I ran to my locker, then to the cafeteria. He wasn´t there yet, but I was trying to convince myself he would come. I sat down at a table somewhere in the back and took small bites of my sandwich. Looking down at my legs, I thought about all of it.

Ten minutes later, he still wasn´t there. I looked around the room and gasped as I saw what was happening. Peeta was sitting at the popular table with Cashmere on his lap. I heard giggles from the girls, while I couldn´t really decide what was going on in Peeta´s mind. I should´ve expected this, I really should´ve. Tears were burning in my eyes, so I stood up and packed my bag, then ran out of the cafeteria.

For the second time today, I bumped into someone. This time, it was worse though. Glimmer. Great, great. Everything was so, so great. I tried to escape, but she already got hold of my arms. ''In a hurry?'' She smirked. ''Aw, now you have to wait honey.'' Only seconds later, Clove came by and they were pushing me into the janitor´s closet. Laughing, they pushed me onto the floor and got their make up from their purses. This only meant one thing... I was going to look like shit.

I tried to fight back, but they pinned me to the ground and it hurt. It hurt like hell. Once they were finished, they gave me a small beat up and left the small room. I could feel the blood trickle down my forehead from a deep scratch. Damn you, fake nails. I wiped my face as I fought back the tears. I was not going to cry over them. No. No. No. So instead, I started singing a few lines of a song. A song by another band I love.

_All that you desired, when you were a child_  
_Was to be old, was to be old_  
_Now that you are here, suddenly you fear_  
_You've lost control_  
_Do you like the person you've become?_

_Under the weight of living_  
_You're under the weight of living_  
_Under the weight of living_  
_You are under the weight of living_  
_The weight of living, the weight of living_

_It all crept up on you, in the night it got you_  
_And plagued your mind, it plagues your mind_  
_Every day that passes, faster than the last did_  
_And you'll be old soon, you'll be old_  
_Do you like the person you've become?_

_Under the weight of living_  
_You're under the weight of living._

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**So, here you go! That was chapter two of my story, I hope you liked it. Please let me know what you think about it. Hate it or love it? Spill it out in the comments! Haha, thank you for reading.**

**Aaaaaand, the first song is _Hear M_e by the perfect Imagine Dragons. The second song is ****_Weight Of Living, Pt. II_ by the also perfect Bastille.**

******Okay? Okay.**


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